Tonight’s Game

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Tonight’s game – the game in the city. Yes, it sounds obnoxious, but tonight is not just about this game and these cities. It’s about a long time ago, in a mystical place called Gotham, where to get from one island to another was a struggle, and travel clothing a lot less comfortable. It’s about a time when superheroes began to be needed and about a time when they are still needed.

            This game is about the country’s move, from East to Midwest, to West. For better or worse, baseball is the second half of this country’s history. But this game is not just about history, of the country or of itself. It’s not just about statistics past. It’s about now – the competition between two great cities in one great state. It’s about the grievance of water, pilfered and filtered, from north to south, moving the basis of life to the thirsty masses to where they chose to move. This game is about northern resentment.

            But this game is also about family – a family history of work and it’s relation to these cities in California. It’s about my grandpa filming the Dodgers’ Spring Training and my mom’s mid-century baseball collection. It’s about a pitcher from my husband’s family. It’s about the season I spent at Candlestick, the first time women were allowed to work security, but without walkie talkies.

            This game is about my mom’s love of the sport, her rabid Giants’ fandom, her bright spot in a now rather shut-in life. It’s about my first memory of playing in the backyard with the game on the a.m. radio in the background. It’s the sound of Hodges, Greenwald, Kruk and Kuip, and Miller’s literary references. It’s the Willie McCovey tribute game I couldn’t attend. It’s about wishing I could help my mom to the top of the stadium to watch this game, just like we did for Game Five in the 2014 Series, when MadBum shut ‘em down.

            This game is about the paucity of life and never knowing when things will end. It’s about being here with my friend – a San Diego to San Francisco transplant who came to her love of the Giants later on in grad school. It’s about not knowing how many games we’ll be able to attend together in the future. This game – all of baseball – is the ephemerality of time. We never know how long we have, but it’s gone in an instant. The stadium is a place where time disappears; the fans live in the moment as a group trying to channel a collective will. As Klopfer says in his wonderful essay about the poetry of the game – “of course we knew.” We knew this game would be. Baseball is sometimes “predictable poetry,” but the climax of this season in particular, follows the best foreplay ever. The back and forth, the ups and downs, the chase. Like a rambling Dostoevsky novel, we don’t know what will happen, but the beauty lies in enduring the process, the relishing of every day details and rituals. This game is the apex of a year-plus of endurance for many, many of us. This game imitates life, and that’s what makes baseball speak to our souls. Play ball!

Teachers with Children — Hidden and Forgotten

woman working girl sitting
Photo by Alexander Dummer on

Essential workers – healthcare workers, grocery store clerks, police and fire fighters – all have to leave their homes and keep working to keep essential services running. And they are at very high risk of being exposed to and contracting COVID-19 compared to the general public. They deserve all the support they are receiving and more. One type of support many of these essential workers are receiving is the availability of childcare (though how much schooling is going on with that childcare is currently unclear). However, there is another group of essential workers who are not receiving this kind of support even though they are expected to still work – at home.

Home has traditionally been an opaque place, a private, black box where people go about their private business Continue reading Teachers with Children — Hidden and Forgotten

The End of the World as I Knew It? Or Status Quo?

Yesterday was the day when Christine Blasey Ford testified to Congress about her assault by Brett Kavanaugh. Yesterday was the day when Brett Kavanaugh defended himself against those charges. It was a circus, and it never should have happened. The result will be the deeper impression that the judicial system is more political and more corrupt than it ever has been. At least that will be the view of more than half the nation and a good part of the world.

Yet was justice really the point. It appears not. This whole situation has been twisted into a reason why the FBI is ineffective, and the slippery slope outcome of that argument is that we need to get rid of the head of the FBI. Wouldn’t that be convenient for the investigation about Russian ties to the president?

Yet if Mr. Kavanaugh had been held to account more strongly by Democrats in terms of their line of questioning (see this Slate article), and – more importantly – if Republicans were showing any respect for ethics, today’s testimony would never have been needed. Lives would not have been even more forever altered. The faith in our system may not have cracked further. If, rather than push this nomination through to get ahead of the mid-term elections (which clearly Republicans are nervous about – otherwise, what’s the hurry?), Republicans actually looked into whether Kavanaugh had lied – or was less than truthful – under oath when questioned by Congress for his current appointment, then they would have denied the confirmation earlier in the week.

But clearly ethics don’t matter. What happened to the party of Lincoln?

And Democrats don’t fare much better. By setting up a he said-she said scenario without grilling deeply into what’s already been aired, they have set up a scenario that perpetuates the status quo for women. Information goes nowhere. Rape kits aren’t tested. No evidence. Nothing changes.

I am disgusted by them all. I love what this country is supposed to stand for. But I am disgusted.

There is a complete leadership vacuum. There is a complete ethical vacuum. And this is what our young people know. Because actions speak louder than words. And inaction speaks volumes.

Twenty-seven years ago I was a naïve 22-year old at her first “real” job. The Anita Hill trials were going on. I was being sexually harassed at the time, but I didn’t think anyone would believe me because no one believed her. The culture of the 1980s and early 1990s was very sexist, yet in the guise of sexual freedom for women. That put all the responsibility on women because they now have a choice, but the culture hadn’t changed to expect accountability from men – old or young. I thought no one would believe me, but as I found out later (after he was let go for other issues), I would have been believed because he already had a pattern of behavior. And since he was fired and I was still there, why would I say anything more? So, I didn’t. Anita Hill was not believed by our leaders. And neither was Dr. Blasey Ford, I suspect. It’s politics above all. Of course, like many men led by their super-ego, he tried to move on to more powerful positions – this one also in government. But the people denied him based on his political stance.

The message Congress sends to my own 17-year-old daughter and every other young woman is toxic. President Trump basically said “you are not believed.” This country only gives lip service to equality. Women are equal when they can make me a buck, but when they are not useful, fuck ‘em. And fuck ‘em to make them useful. Either way we’re fucked. I am disgusted.

I am disgusted that we are still here. Twenty-seven years later.

I’d be willing to bet the people – if given a chance – would deny Kavanaugh. But that isn’t our system, and I respect the purpose of the lifetime appointment. If people voted on Supreme Court justices, this sort of spectacle would be the norm. That’s not healthy for our country.

But today the Senate will be voting. They will not just be voting on a new justice, they will be voting on my rights, my daughter’s rights, and potentially my granddaughter’s rights. My own grandmother, who only gained the right to vote when she was in her ‘20s encouraged me to stand tall for women’s rights and the rights of women to choose when they would be mothers. If this right is not upheld, which it most likely won’t by those who don’t respect women as human beings, then this country is not worth shit.

Fuck ‘em.

Examining Violence in the Classroom

It all sounded so interesting . . . looking at this phenomenon called violence in my first-year college writing class. We examine it under the proverbial microscope and discover the sociological, biological, and other factors behind this behavior that people don’t even agree how to define.

But then violence – individual and collective — actually happens. Continue reading Examining Violence in the Classroom

First Editions — Read Them or Mothball Them?

A few years ago, I picked up a copy of the Gabriel Garcia Marquez book — News of a Kidnapping (happened to be a first translated edition — no author signature). A few weeks ago, before I learned of the elections in Colombia, I started reading it. When I purchased this book, I assumed it was another fiction novel, hopefully full of magic realism. But even better than that — and coincidentally — it is about a relevant and real topic: the kidnapping of a number journalists in Colombia during a time in which various factions were at war. Technically they still are, and a couple of weeks ago, the citizens of Columbia voted down the peace treaty — which went to a vote of the people — for a number of reasons. Since then, however, the ceasefire is holding, and more talks are at hand. This week, Colombia’s president, Juan Manuel Santos, won the Nobel Peace Prize; Garcia Marquez won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1982. Given all that, not only does this book read like a political thriller, it is also completely relevant (sadly) even though it was published in 1996.

One (translated) quote from the book that Americans should think about, I believe, is:

Easy money, a narcotic more harmful than the ill named ‘heroic-drugs’ was injected into the national culture. The idea prospered: The law is the greatest obstacle to happiness; it is a waste of time learning to read and write; you can live a better, more secure life as a criminal than as a law-abiding citizen–in short, this was the social breakdown typical of all undeclared wars. (130)

This is a lot of verbiage about a good book by a great writer, but the point of this post is that I am READING it. I’m reading it in all of its dust-jacketed, first edition perfection. And I put it in my purse and read it in the car while I was waiting for my daughter. And I feel guilty.

Because somehow, first editions are for collecting, and it’s wrong to mess up something that’s collectible. Collectible books are precious gems to hold onto and take out of their cases very careful. Perhaps turn a page or two, but be very careful not to bend the binding or a corner.

But, then again, the other part of me says, “What good is a book if it’s not read?” Putting a book on a shelf to stay pristine so it remains collectible is antithetical to the idea of writing and repudiates the world of ideas through a willful act of neglect. Reading and writing are a transaction not in the sense that one makes a deposit in a bank and then takes out the thing when it’s useful monetarily. They are a transaction between the self and the world of ideas, of history, of morals, and of art. And that just begins to touch on it. To leave a book on a shelf is to leave ideas unshared, thoughts not thought, connections not made, souls not touched.

I may no longer be able to sell this copy on Abe Books or some other marketplace for top dollar because of the slightly bent dust jacket, but I’ve learned and connected more with the world around me. And that’s worth more than what anyone might pay me for that pristine copy.


The End of the World As We Know It, or The Untied Kingdom

Spethorne – Leave                                             Leave 51%     Remain 49%

Blaby – Leave

Tonbridge & Malby – Leave

High Peak – Leave

Hinkley – Leave                                                   Leave 52%   Remain 48%

Hyndburn – Leave

Isles of Scilly – Remain

Kettering – Leave                                                Leave 51%    Remain 49%

Watching the warp and weft of history, economics, geography, and politics shift  — via live election results — is at once a true and false illusion, a sudden perception of electrons and molecules there all along. The strange collusion of event and media that obscures the reality of truth somewhere between policy outcomes and reactionary whim.

Lambeth – Remain

Leicester – Remain

Lincoln – Leave

Liverpool – Remain                                           Leave 49%           Remain 51%

Manchester – Remain

When nations, cities, any sort of state fail to recognize the needs of those they govern, rifts happen, people ally, the shifting balance quickly tears already worn fabrics not cared enough about to patch. Rather, people bet, make fortunes and jump off window ledges citing unhedged losses.

Angus – Remain

St Helens – Leave                                          Leave 50%            Remain  50%

London – Remain

Tameside – Leave

Rochdale – Leave

Trafford – Remain

Oldham – Leave                                             Leave 51%           Remain 49%

Expat Brits on the Continent wonder what does this mean for my family? UK Immigrants wonder, what does this mean for my family? Scots may leave the UK. The Irelands contemplate reunion. Can a faded Union Jack mend itself to become vibrant with all rows of the country’s warp and weft rewoven to support each other? After more than 300 years, the United Kingdom is becoming the Untied Kingdom.


Other Helpful Items for Fusion Surgery

In addition to those absolutely essential, and pretty essential items listed in my previous two posts, today’s post will include some items that are just “nice to have”. Please note that nowhere here have I included a TV because I don’t have cable. Netflix (or the like) and Hulu seem to suit any need for “tv” watching. The one problem is sports — no live sports. For these, I must settle for item #1 to have in the bedroom:

A radio and/or streaming music — It’s my only access to my beloved baseball games (go Giants!) and to tonight’s final for the Golden State Warriors and Cleveland Cavaliers. One has to really use one’s imagination to picture a basketball game broadcast over the radio, but it’s better than no sports at all. A slightly more expensive version, of course, is streaming radio. Since it’s easy to get moody when you’re all cooped up in bed, a little music can  either suit or change the mood.

Dumbbells and a leg  weight — It’s important not to let your muscles atrophy while sitting around so much. Being strong also helps one’s mobility while on crutches and, I imagine, makes recovery easier. I have one pair of 3 pound dumbbells and one 5 pound leg weight. With the dumbbells I can exercises all aspects of my arm muscles. Stretching is still doable and very important, and with the leg weight, you can exercise most of the leg muscles though you can’t do anything on your stomach. That would cause you to try to bend your toe. More on exercise in another post.

Other items that are useful in the bedroom are:

tote bag: This allows you to carry around nonspillable items if you want to get or return them to other areas of your abode. The tote bag makes you feel a little more independent, which is good whether or not you need to be.

Books and games — for obvious reasons. Though when I was on the drugs, I had a difficult time focusing on Rolling Stone articles, so make sure some readings are fluffy and others to really get into once your brain is working.

Other diversions, like knitting or other needlework. It’s probably a good idea to figure out what your project will be ahead of time, otherwise you may find yourself in the position of not having the right yarn or needles while being bored and ready to start on something. It’s also probably not the time for a big challenge either, or it might seem extra frustrating. I find knitting a good activity because I can lay all the way down while I knit and just occasionally look at the instructions (depending on the pattern), and it’s a nice way to feel productive while listening to podcasts or music.

Kleenex and other bedside toiletries, along with vitamins — Depending on what your doctor says is okay to take, vitamins can help you recover. Kleenex is just handy, as is lotion, tweezers, a mirror, and a hair brush, o keep yourself feeling better and clean.


If you’re using the same bathroom you always do, just be sure to keep your most used items accessible to you while sitting down. Otherwise, be sure to bring necessary items down to the bathroom you will use ahead of time. Make sure it’s stocked up with extra towels, toilet paper, hand soap, etc. That way, you won’t run out or have to bother any one at an inconvenient time.

One other very handy bathroom item is dry shampoo. It’s a pain to take a shower all the time when your foot is wrapped up, so if you have some on hand, you can extend that shower time just a little longer…..

Tomorrow’s post, which will wrap up these fusion-related posts for a while, will focus on practical hints for actually doing things while you’re stuck in this position.